why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
4 words: hood of his car
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
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