No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
