things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
