If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
cat food counts as protein by the way
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
