wake up i wanna do it froggy style
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
