i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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