My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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