youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
this is an emotional support booty call
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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