Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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