The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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