so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
