I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
