butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
