put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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