My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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