I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
