The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
