He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
