Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
