i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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