Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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