I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
