i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
