Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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