nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
