She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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