I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
