i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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