i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
