He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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