and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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