I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
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