In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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