Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
