So drunk, too bad you don't want this
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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