how hairy? two words: wookie tits
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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