Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
