I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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