no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
