I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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