i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
