I feel great
I just peed on a car
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
