Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
