Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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