dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
