I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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