she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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