who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
