No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
