I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
