1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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