FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
