I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
