I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
